Bringing your child to a social function such as a birthday party or county fair provides an opportunity for him to make new friends.

Approaching a child will be different than approaching adults, as children have less of an attention span. So the way to meet new kids is easy, but the steps are important.

Start off with your child introducing himself. In fact, have him practice this several times a week as he will be doing it almost every day in his adult life. It goes like this:

“Hi, I’m Johnny.”

It’s that simple! Immediately after the introduction is the opening physical gesture. It will be different depending on the person.

• For children, have your child give a high-five right after he introduces himself.
• For an adult, teach them to either handshake, “pound the rock”, or high-five.

Always make sure he is practicing:

• direct, non-fleeting eye contact
• squared off body language with hands at his sides
• a BIG smile

(Especially the first ten seconds in meeting someone these things are crucial.)

Another thing to keep in mind is to make sure that this isn’t rushed. In fact, there should be a slight pause between “Hi,” and, “I’m Johnny.”

Each word that your child says is prompting the other person for a commitment.

1. Conversationally, it is better to ask for a bunch of small “commitments” rather than one, long, drawn out commitment.
2. “Hi,” or, “Hello,” is the first commitment asked of the other person, as it takes the other person away from their current state and to refocus their attention on something new.
3. The next part is telling the person his name, which is less asking commitment and more giving value.
4. As soon as he says his name, have him put up his hand for a high-five towards the other child.  This is the next commitment asked of the other person, and it also sets the leading frame for your child.

Notice how your child is the one receiving high fives, not just giving them to adults.

Now that your child has properly introduced himself, it is necessary to make an escalation in the relationship between him and his new friend. An escalation has anything to do with strengthening the connection with your kid and the other person. For this example, you’re at an indoor birthday party, so it is safe to have him go somewhere with his new friend. A great way to escalate is to invite the other person along with you somewhere.

“Would you like to come play cars with me?”

This is also the next commitment asked of the other person, as well as the leading frame continuing for your child. Your child is learning how to lead an interaction where he wants it to go. This is a trait held by confident people, and when taught at a young age, can be powerful. Make sure to watch how much your child is leading though, as it can turn into being overbearing, bullying, and bossy. This is not the goal, and people can easily mistake an insecure bully for being confident, as the two personality types have similar qualities from a distance, but up close it is obvious they are black and white.

The reason to encourage your child to lead interactions is because most people have no idea what they want, or they are simply scared of stepping on another person’s toes. This is a waste of time and will deter from the enjoyment of an interaction. Nobody wants an indecisive person, they want someone who will lead, but who is still democratic. Think president, not dictator.