What other time of the year do I feel a sense of patriotism, yet the need to buy everything at Macy’s that I can get my hands on?  I was power walking down the halls of my county mall when a Russian woman came up to me trying to sell one of those heated bead bags that I put on my neck.  I remember her strong accent and assertive tone that could cut through the toughest of mall walkers.  She was good too, charming the heck out of me, laughing at my jokes and touching my shoulder, for a second I was convinced she actually wanted to be my friend.  But there was one thing that made me feel uncomfortable about the entire situation:

Beneath the cheerful exterior, I could feel her snake side digging her teeth into my soul.  I was feeling tricked, used, like how a car salesman would treat me.  I started thinking about the reasons why a person will randomly approach another person, and in the end, it’s usually just to take something from him.  Validation, status, emotional security, and money are the big ones.  Realize how rare it is for a person to approach someone with the main reason of enjoying himself with that person, not to take anything but the satisfaction of making someone smile, or raising that person’s self esteem.  What kind of person is that? Shakespeare would call it a “facilitator of mirth”, some call it an altruistic individual, and some call it being selfless.  I just call it being a caring person.

I get a different vibe I get when talking to this type of person, like there’s no ulterior motive.  I feel like he’s interested in what I have to say, even if I feel like I’m being a bore.  He encourages me to open myself up, be more charismatic in my words, and let my true personality glow.  I feel at ease being myself around him, as if nothing I could say will be judged.  To put it plainly, I feel truly appreciated.

But telling your kid to, “Care for people,” can sound boring, especially to a rambunctious five-year-old.  Instead, tell him that he is an explorer, and inside each and every person he meets, there is something special hiding inside.  It isn’t easy to find, in fact it may be difficult, but the payoff is magical.  Maybe he can learn something new from someone, or be entertained by another.  There may be an exciting story inside Jaime, and a lesson from John on a new secret language.  He can relate to Mary about loving Elmo and his funny voice, and find a similar passion for playing cars with Dexter.

And I want to take it a step further, not only do I want your kids to find the great things about each person, but to express that appreciation as well.  This is what gives parents tingles down their spines, when children are stating their appreciation both verbally and physically.  It will bring tears to your eyes to see your kid complimenting other human beings, peers and adults alike.  This is the true representation of confidence, an outward showing of love and care for others.  The way to do it can be simple, and it usually starts with two powerful words: “I like…”

Speaking from the emotional “I” perspective rather than from a factual robot perspective has a colossal difference; by putting your opinions on the line through expressing your unique perspective on something, you communicate your personal appreciation for one’s qualities rather than stating dull generalities.

ex. “That is good.” as opposed to, “I like that about you.”

I find that beginning a compliment with, “I like,” is the easiest and most effective way to make someone feel great about himself, while making your kid look genuine, authentic, and confident.  There’s no need to get complicated about it either, here’s a few simple examples:

People just want to be cared about.  A charismatic person knows this, and it is the main reason so many people like him.  But the interest must be genuine; even Robert De Niro can’t fake ingenuity, he knows that sooner or later the truth will seep through somehow.  A charismatic person does not use compliments as a tool to make people like him, that would defeat the true purpose of giving a compliment.  A compliment, or a statement of appreciation, is used to deepen the connection between both you and the other person, and as a result that person will inevitably like you, as long as it is truly coming from a place of selflessness and love.  We should never intend for others to like us, rather is should only be the byproduct of giving our love to the world.

When teaching your child to state his appreciation for other people, it is natural that others will look to him as a leader and a high value individual, because showing appreciation is also a way of giving out approval, and people that give out their approval to others show that they have a strong inner sense of beliefs and morals, and a solid and compelling worldview.  It is in our natural animal instinct to follow those with a strong sense of reality and who state their intentions unabashedly.  When your child tells a new friend, “I like you,” he is setting his status within the group, letting him know he is a person with authority, all while doing so in a friendly and appreciative way.

Introduce your children to the magic of showing appreciation for others, it brings out the best in every person that it touches, and will without a doubt make your child happier, more grateful towards others, and send tingles down every parent’s spine.