Before I wrote my book, I wrote a series of essays inspired from the countless hours spent working with children. They had to do with how I felt adults were speaking to kids in a way that wasn’t conducive to good conversation. Adults naturally think that kids just don’t know how to “throw down” with the “big dogs”. My argument is that they do, and surprisingly well. Sometimes better than adults. Here is one of the essays that inspired this idea, later resulting in the book being released THIS Friday.

Adults ask close-ended questions to children to save kids from the horror of expressing themselves. I used to get these all the time; it saved me from having to speak to others. My way out of it was that maybe I was “shy”, or when I said I didn’t know, maybe I really didn’t know the answer! If they do start off with an open-ended question, they will begin to lead after the child takes too long to answer (answer for him) or seems uncomfortable with answering.  And children love the infamous scapegoat word known as “Good,” to suffice as an answer. Let me give you an example:
Aunt Lisa: Hey Mikey!  How was school today?
Mikey: Good.
Aunt Lisa: Did you have fun?
Mikey: Yeah.
Aunt Lisa: Did you play with your friends?
Mikey: Yah.
Aunt Lisa: What did you guys do?
Mikey: I don’t know.
Aunt Lisa: Awww… Okay go play with your cousin Johnny, he’s waiting for you upstairs.
Now, from a four year old, this doesn’t seem to be the worst thing in the world. After all, they have only been on this earth for four years. And though this is true, social skills are built at these ripe ages.  So what do you do? Well first, locate the problem. Like I said before, I used to be a kid, so I know how it feels to be asked these questions… BORING! People still sometimes ask me these type of questions and it bores me to sleep.  So what do you do to get your child expressing him/herself? Ask questions that they would want to answer. You don’t even have to go that far, just ask a question that sparks their interest. A fun open-ended question.
Aunt Lisa:  Mikey!  My man!  I’ll bet there was something funny that happened at school today  …Aside from maybe dinosaurs attacking the bathroom.
Mikey: Hahah!  Ummm….
Here is where you wait. Children luckily live in the emotion of the moment, so it may take them a while to have to track back in time even a few hours ago to what happened in their day. Just last week I waited almost 20 seconds for a child to answer my question, but surely.. he did. You may find it hard not to lead them, but trust me, just look at them expectantly and something good will eventually come out.
Mikey: I colored animals that talk!
Let’s try to get him to really express himself about things by pushing further…
Aunt Lisa: Haha!  Oh my gosh I love animals that talk!  What did they say?
Now see, we have just set up a good dynamic in this conversation. This child is ready to start blabbing to you like crazy, your job is to LISTEN. Even if you get bored, just keep 100% commitment to listening to what they have to say, it is the most important thing in their day.  Most importantly, you must be interested in what they say… in every little word. If you don’t seem interested in what they say, they won’t think they are interesting to other people and will become shy. You can’t even fake it… human beings are smart people… we all can usually tell if someone is being fake… even your own kid. Really get excited about everything your child is saying, have a fun conversation with them. Make them feel like what they said is great.
When you are having a conversation with your kid, talk to them like a friend. When it is time to be a parent, be a parent. Continually push for more effort in conversation as your child grows, you can begin to ask them questions like, “How did that feel?” and “What do you think of that?”. Always be receptive. Get their opinion, and please try to avoid “Yes” or “No” questions at all costs, they are detrimental to your child’s personality and growth.