In the last post, John showed us how his confident body language and loud and resonant vocal tone was what put him in a good position to turn a potentially ugly situation into something friendly. Instead of “sticking up for himself” which is something weak people do, he was approaching the situation from a totally different reality. He looked at Harvey as an equal, rather than someone who should be getting picked on.

“Frank the Tank”

Sometimes, though, it’s not as simple as the bus situation. Two years pass and John is now eight. He was playing outside during recess, and a new bully, Frank, began to get jealous about who John was playing with.

Frank: You can’t play with Maria. She’s my friend. Get out of here!

Though going to a teacher is a way to fix the problem, it’s only a temporary solution to a bigger problem. John needs to deal with this part on his own, or he’ll never be able to do it when he gets older.

Trying to argue with someone that enjoys making problems is a waste of time. John would just get sucked into a bad situation and before you know it, he’d be in detention. Instead, John was taught to ignore negative comments or make them positive. Bullies are always looking to get a negative reaction from someone. But when they find that you are impenetrable to negativity, they go try bothering someone else.

John: Hey!

John knows that a loud dominant voice, good eye contact, and a smile set him up as the leader. This shakes Frank out of his negative trance for a second and takes him off guard.

John: Come play with us! We’re playing basketball and need a referee.

Done with confident and positive body language, Frank will either accept the invitation or go find someone else to pick on. If, however, he doesn’t, John can choose to walk away with Maria and play on something else. It’s not a big deal. The main thing is to not get upset. Bullies like to get negative reactions out of people. But if John doesn’t give him a negative reaction, Frank won’t bother him anymore.

What’s your bully story? What happened when you were bullied as a kid? What happened when your own kid got bullied? What have you learned? How has it become different? Shoot me an e-mail and let me know.  I’ll get back to you tomorrow… promise.

Love,

Tony (Anthony’s ‘cool’ alter-ego)

P.S. – If you are a CharismaticClub member, expect to be getting some videos sent to you in the next week.