Emotional Intelligence is such a huge part of social skills, that I want you to read this wikipedia entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence
It states that, “Emotional intelligence is the ability, capacity, and skill to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.”
When you are not emotional aware of how you are feeling, how others are feeling, and how to control the emotions of both, your relationship with yourself as well as with others will suffer.
To check out Daniel Goleman’s book, click here: http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055380491X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Something I have been studying most recently, though, is facial expressions. Dr. Paul Ekman wrote countless books on this topic, and I have hardly touched the surface on what these books have to offer. He knows every muscle in the face, where it moves, and how far it moves to get each specific expression of emotion.
He is the foremost human lie-detector on this planet, and has been hired by the CIA numerous times to help solve cases.
This exercise I’ve provided for you in today’s episode is something I’ve experimented on with several three-year-olds, all having made leaps and bounds in their own emotional and social intelligence through it. They now are aware of what they are feeling as it happens, as well as being able to recognize the emotion in other people… something many adults don’t have the ability to do!
Learning this skill at a young age can skyrocket your child’s conversational skills to great levels when they are older. You are giving your child a head start on being charismatic.
Here’s a game to do with older children.
Turn on the TV, and mute the volume. Ask your kid to describe how each person is feeling just through body language and facial expressions. Then put on a DVD and pause the video at certain shots of people’s faces. Ask him to identify how each person is feeling just by one frame. This is like flash cards for emotions. It teaches children how to quickly recognize the little things about a pesron’s face before the person expressing it even can.
This is powerful stuff, guys. And all you are doing is drawing on a piece of paper. Who knew it could give your kid superhuman powers?
You and I are walking into a grocery store, maybe an A&P, maybe a Shoprite, and as we walk in, I force you to say, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” And I never explained why. All I say is,
“Every time you walk into a grocery store, you MUST yell out that word.”
Would you get a little pissy at me about that? Maybe you would even rebel at saying it? Whatever it is, you most definitely would be confused.
Take the same scenario, but instead I cock-a-doodle-doo’ed myself, and explained that I love saying “cock-a-doodle-doo” when walking into a grocery store because it is an effective un-stifling technique when practicing how to be more confident (this really works, and it’s fun too!) Maybe you’d consider doing it yourself as well. Not immediately, but as time went by, you realized the benefits of it and started doing it on your own. The more you did it, the more value you gained from it, and eventually it became part of your life.
Believe it or not, the first scenario is the EXACT way parents teach manners to their kids. They give them these ridiculous words to say, and tell them to recite them if they ever want something, after they get something, and after they’ve been bad.
No wonder kids hate saying “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you!” It’s ridiculous to them without any context involved. They have no idea why they are saying these things, they just know that saying “sorry” pardons them from punishment, “please” gets them things they want, and “thank you” sets them up for getting it again next time. Aside from that, the words have no meaning.
Why is this? Because you’ve never told them what the words are for. You just forced them into saying them.
Like I said in the video, I devoted an entire chapter in the book on how to teach manners to your children so they will fully understand their meaning and feel compelled to use them every day. It’s almost magic. As powerful as the tip in the video is, it only gives part of what’s in the book.
…when teaching your kid good morals and lessons, make sure you give the reasons behind each teaching, as well as how it can benefit them. If you can’t think of reasons why specific lessons and morals benefits them, then good luck getting your kids to take to them.
The absolute first thing you can implement today to get your kids on the manners tip is to express these same manners to your child, as well as towards others, in a genuine way. Take a moment out of the “rush” of your day and focus entirely on thanking a person, showing your appreciation for them recognizing you in whatever way. Make that person have a kick to their step after you walk away.
Show your kid the power you possess when expressing good manners. You have the power to make others feel amazing. And that is the biggest benefit of all.
