Anthony Recenello takes a few minutes attempting to reframe your perspective on what it means to give gifts to people.

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Somewhere right now, a perfectly happy three-year-old is being tricked.

She is given countless hours of TV time, a Wii, a toy robot that talks to her, and light up shoes; and life is fine. The addiction doesn’t come until those things are taken away from her, they go out of style, or are no longer fun to play with.

Once this happens, a void is created in her soul. She was tricked into believing that those things were her source of happiness, and now she needs them back again in order to feel better.

She sees a commercial for a new toy on TV and thinks that it will fill the void in her chest. Once she gets that toy, she is once again at equilibrium. A few weeks later the toy gets old, and she is back to the incomplete feeling she felt before. It’s an empty feeling of worthlessness—the same way a smoker would feel without his cigarette.

How to counteract this situation? Do the exact opposite of consume: create and experience.

What I believe is that toys get boring. After the initial high from getting it, it’s just a piece of plastic that you play with a for a bit until you want to become stimulated again. Instead, provide opportunities for potential passions and experiences.

What’s cooler? Getting rock guitar lessons with a professional guitarist, or playing Rock Band on the Wii?

Companies trick us into thinking that “more is better.” They tell us, “The more gifts you give, the better a person you are.” Say for instance your budget for your two children this holiday season is $800. You can sure buy a lot of dinky toys! You can also buy a bunch of video games, and an iPod Touch! But what if you took each $400 and spent it on one amazing experience for each child? Or maybe a few experiences?

Focus on the experiences being less about being a spectator, and more hands-on. For ideas, consult daily deal sites. I compiled some deals currently going on right now in New York City. Check this out:

12 Weeks of Fashion Art Classes for Kids
http://www.livingsocial.com/cities/3-nyc-midtown/deals/135513-12-weeks-of-kids-fashion-art-classes

Four Music Classes for Kids at The Early Ear Music Program
http://www.livingsocial.com/cities/865/deals/180970-four-music-classes

Eight-Week Children’s Italian Language Course
http://www.livingsocial.com/cities/865-nyc-upper-west-side/deals/159499-eight-week-children-s-italian-language-course

Feel free to get more creative, this is just a launchpad for the possibilities. (Leave some ideas in the comments for other parents to get inspiration from.)

Instead of concentrating on what toy to get your kid this Christmas, concentrate on what activity you think would excite him the most. Toys are a quick and dirty way to a fleeting happiness. Life is most rewarding when you are making something new by means of an activity instead of just being the spectator to one. The “toy” should be something that enables him to pursue a passion. If the activity is learning to rock climb, get him a harness with some climbing shoes. If you want him to become a songwriter, get him a guitar and two months worth of lessons. How about an actor or director? Get different costumes for him to wear along with a video camera.

Now, tell me that a DSi trumps acting lessons.

But without a goal, there is no purpose. The excitement of a new activity fizzles out from a lack of ambition to progress; there always must be something to work towards. Write down a clearly defined goal for each activity your kid partakes in. Put them up on a poster board in the common area of the house, and check them off as they are completed.

If it’s to become a musician, then he must write an entire song; words, chords, and melody. If an actor, then the goal should be to record a movie for the whole family to watch. Include a deadline for each goal to prevent laziness and procrastination. Sometimes it is better to set an incredibly short deadline than to spend too long trying to make something perfect; it keeps things moving and forces your kid to stay on his toes. The great thing about setting deadlines and goals is that your child won’t jump from hobby to hobby, sucking the life out of each activity as if it were a toy to be “played with” rather than something to breathe life into.

But be aware, the passion for mastering something lies in the process, not the completion. Treat each success as a secondary prize to the main purpose, which is enjoying the “doing” rather than “getting.”

Have I changed your mind on what it means to give presents this Christmas/Hanukkah? Let me know in the comments!

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I was only slightly upset to see she is telling parents not to help their children find their passions in life. As if it is laughable for a child to be able to do this. So I commented:

Oh I’m going to have to politely disagree with you on this one. I find that kids LOVE doing stuff that interests them. And that’s all a passion really is. They feel SUPER GOOD when they can take that passion and bring joy towards others with it.

I think you’re mixing up the difference between parents FORCING kids to do stuff they dont want to do… and then parents ALLOWING kids to do stuff they WISH THEY COULD.

Is this a piece on telling parents to stop giving their children passions? Or is this a piece saying that you wish for your child NOT to be passionate about life? I’m confused.

But while I was cooking a vegan lunch for myself, emotions were stirring up in me. I was thinking of the children committing suicide because they felt inadequate in life. And this article started making me committed to letting parents know that it is OKAY for children to want to do something big. It is okay for them to want to do things they love.

Times are a changin’, and becoming successful in life is different than it was fifty years ago. Enter my second response to Betsy Brown Braun’s “Finding Their Passion… Really?”

[This was written all at once in the heat of PASSION (that's right) so please forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes.]

I’m actually not finished. I feel like there are a lot of kids out there that feel like CRAP going to school each day because they feel worthless. They feel like they have no reason for being on this planet, and thats why so many are committing suicide ‘out of nowhere.’

Hearing about that type of stuff sickens me. If they felt like they had a purpose in life, they had something that made them GREAT, they wouldn’t feel so crappy.

I’m coaching a 16 year old right now that hates his life because he feels worthless about EVERYTHING. Nobody cares about him, in fact the only thing that people do to him at school is make fun of him. Because of this, he thinks theres no reason to be living on this planet.

I’m working with him to help him not only gain confidence and social skills, but also to help him FIND PASSIONS… and then DO SOMETHING with those passions. No Betsy, not so he can go to hardvard or show off to people that he’s good at something. No, not to FILL UP HIS SCHEDULE to make it look like hes a busy person, but because he is constantly HOPING that he can do something that can bring joy to others. He wants to connect with something that he loves, and I’m enabling him to do that.

In the ‘olden days’ as you like to say, kids didnt NEED to find things they loved at an early age. WHY? Because everyone had the same job as adults: work at a factory, or work at a company following ORDERS.

Today its totally different. If you want your kid working a normal mediocre job that is FINE. I am okay with that because those types of people are necessary in the world and if that makes them happy, then I understand.

But to the parents that WANT their children to grow up doing something that they love, having their children DO SOMETHING BIG at a young age is CRITICAL. No, the point is not to know what your career will be when you are 9 years old. That’s not the point. The point is getting your child feeling comfortable with taking on the attributes of a confident, passionate person at a young age so when they get to the age where they are able to TACKLE life, they are fearless, and already have a handle on what it means to take risks and lead people.

Just because ballet wasn’t what that girl ended up being, her passion for SOMETHING transferred to a job as an educator. But what about the children that never latched on to ANYTHING in their lives? The ones that just floated on by without growing passionate about doing something big? I know many of them, they are most of the people from my high school class still living in their parents basements. They ask me how they can find something they like.. because they majored in something random in college they didn’t care about. But what if they did something big at a younger age? Not PUSHED, but enabled?

Most kids I think have it understood by adults that they are incapable of doing big things, so they resign to video games and TV. I think you are not only trying to stay with traditional, outdated methods of how life should be, but neglecting the fact that children have more potential to make something great at a young age than you’d think. All we have to do is ALLOW them. In fact, I think most children can connect with their creativity better than adults. Why don’t they utilize this amazing attribute instead of say, “They are too young! They aren’t ready… let them wait 20 years until they CAN do this stuff.”

Betsy, its not that kids are being forced to do things… maybe some parents are forcing their kids. I’m not here to talk about that.

I’m here to tell you and parents reading this that most kids WISH they had the opportunity to do something big, and to be seen as someone with value. Because when you can actually allow your child to do cool stuff they never knew they could, you’ll see their world change. They hit an equilibrium in life where they can no longer feel inadequate, but valuable to this planet. Feeling like they belong.

Anthony Recenello explains the many benefits of building a sense of community within your neighborhood.

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“The New Parent” is a series where I interview parents that challenge the status quo and raise confident, superhero-like, charismatic kids by exposing them to their parents’ passions.

Here is the phone interview…

Rob and Cortney Novogratz embodied everything I teach on this website. Me and Rob had a chat on the first nice lovely day on the East coast. He’s in Manhattan, I’m in Brooklyn. We live 20 mins from each other, but our phone call seemed as if I was sitting on the porch with him outside his beautiful five story house on the Hudson River. The goal is to help you understand and become your own version of what it means to be a “new parent.” Who knows, maybe one day I’ll interview you.

Click to read this interview…

Guy Kawasaki is a not a “tiger parent,” thank god. Those are the type of parents who put less importance on showing appreciation in their child’s achievements, and more importance on correcting what they are doing wrong. Guy Kawasaki seem to me like a “chill parent.” One who allows his kids to be whatever the hell they want to be, without any push from his own opinion. I like that.

But the absolute biggest thing I think you should have taken from this interview is not his words at all. It’s his vibe. Did you see how I complimented him on that? He is cheerful, he is smiling, but not “bullcrapping” you. He’s not fake, and says exactly what’s on his mind. You can tell he’s hardworking, but doesn’t stress himself out about anything. He sees everything as an adventure rather than a “job.”

Don’t you think this rubs off on his kids?

How many times can I say that whatever you are feeling, your kids will feel. You come home stressed from the day? So will your kid be stressed. You get emotional about little negligible things? So will your kid.

Does GK look like the type of Dad that is on edge? His kids probably aren’t either.

Anthony Recenello explains how treating children like royalty can have adverse affects on their appreciation for life.

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Anthony Recenello explains how our addiction to consuming media has stopped us from following our life’s purpose.

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Anthony Recenello explains why medicating children with ADHD can have negative effects on their personalities and in turn chances for success in adulthood.

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These games aren’t only made to calm down your kids, but they are also made to put you in a giggly mood. Here’s the thing. Most parents that aren’t already in a ‘giggly’ mood throughout the day will find it hard to transition into a 10-minute dance party. Why? It’s because once you are in a state, whether that is serious, or upset, your brain likes to stay in that state. It is COMFORTABLE staying in whatever mood you are in at the moment. Brains would rather stay sad than turn happy, even though logically you know it’s the right thing to do.

So what I suggest is this:

Put the game/activity into your schedule during the day. Make it at 8:00am right before they leave to school, and 3:00pm as soon as they get home from school. Getting them in a good mood in the morning sets the up for great interactions at school during the day. Burning their energy AFTER school calms them down and gets them focused on homework and whatever other project they have at the moment. Dance party in the morning, scarf tag after school. Try it.

This is some potent stuff, guys. Don’t take these games lightly. You WILL have too much fun. And sometimes that’s a good thing.

There wasn’t much more opportunity for them than that.

Today, machines and computers do most of the work that humans did years ago, so most people go either two ways after college:

In an office, as an ant, in a big corporation. Or they supersede the norm and become wildly successful.

Most people are okay with their kid following the life as a normal folk. And that is fine.

But then, there are families that want more for their kid. They know their child has that certain “umph!” that others may not have, some type of special talent or sparkle in their eye that needs to be explored and cultivated into something they can use and benefit from.

Let me back it up a bit. Why is your kid doomed then?

“School” as the word is used today, was invented during the industrial age. So they focused on getting kids learning how to follow orders, learn math, and work at a factory. That’s where everyone worked back then.

Now, it’s the opposite. Fresh college grads hardly get jobs in factories anymore. Like I said before, they either get hired by a corporation (because they learned how to comply with rules, as school has taught them) or they use their amazing charisma to attract people to them and flourish in life.

These successful people are the ones who are constantly creating, constantly innovating. They are the ones who rise above in confidence, emotional discipline, charisma, passion, and the like. But they don’t teach this stuff at schools, because back then it wasn’t necessary. So as a parent, what do you do? Either you have the skills to raise charismatic kids, or you just hope they get a good job at some company.

I began CharismaticKid for this exact reason. I want you to be able to raise what we call the charismatic kid. The kid that is extraordinary, unusual, eclectic, creative, and ambitious that does what everyone else wishes they could do. The “Steve Jobs,” the “Gary Vaynerchuk,” the “Seth Godin.” All of these people had insanely creative, charismatic, and passionate minds that forced them into success. Do schools do that for your kid? No, CharismaticKid does.

And in the biggest and best city in the world, we are holding the Superhuman Series for parents that give you an entirely new set of life skills for your children, and techniques you can implement to grow their personalities. We’ve been working overtime in making CharismaticKid the only company in the world that teaches these skills this in-depth, this easy to understand, and this effective. There is absolutely nothing like it. Go ahead and try Googling it. We are the only company of our kind, and we are going to change the way you raise your kids.

Check out the Superhuman Series link above if you’re in the area. For fifty bucks each seminar, you can only gain.

Click the thumbtacks above!

This is a map of all of my favorite playgrounds for kids to get social in Manhattan. All of them have their own unique and exciting features, and each one WOWs me in a different way.

Click on each of the thumbtacks to find out my little blurb of info on the playground. Click “Directions” to bring you to a Google Maps page with directions to the playground. Double-click on the tack to see where the playground is up close.

Click here to view this on an actual Google webpage.

This is one of my favorite songs, called, “Let It Be Me” by Ray LaMontagne. Listen to it here.

As a kid, Daniel Rensch was a chess genius. Now he has two kids of his own and a website called ChessKid (http://www.chesskid.com). It’s a social network for kids who want to play chess against each other. It’s apparent that Daniel is still passionate about the game, and everything that goes along with it. In this snippet from a chat we had, he talks about the importance of keeping your kids’ eyes on the prize.

I was skimming through a great book yesterday, Parent’s Tao Te Ching. I stopped on this one quote that resonated with me:

‎”Doing nothing while your child fails requires great courage and is the way of wisdom.” – Parent’s Tao Te Ching

I am naturally a non-competitive person when it comes to competing with others. But I am serious as a heart attack when it comes to competing with myself; maybe why I enjoy rock-climbing so much.

Today’s society is obsessed with preventing their children from failing, thinking it will hurt their self-esteem. Let me take a moment to tell you something as a confidence expert:

FAILING IS GOOD AND HEALTHY AND YOUR KIDS NEED TO FAIL ALL THE TIME IN ORDER TO BE EXTREMELY CONFIDENT!!!!

Was that loud enough for you?

As a kid, I had to deal with soccer games always ending in a tie, and gym teachers not keeping score during basketball games. Sure, they made us focus on the fun factor of what we were doing. But they also kept our natural propensity for challenging ourself from taking hold.

When you are playing games with your kids, play how you would play with an adult. Stop letting them win all the time just because they are a fraction of your age. Challenging your children in a healthy way just makes them want to succeed that much more. It makes them work harder for things in life. If they feel like they can win in everything they do, without pushing themselves for it, they will do the same thing as adults.

I already have another book in the works.

And it revolves around this three step formula. In the past few years, I have met the charismatic families of the new age. The families that teach their children how to live a passionate life. The parents that don’t want their kids to end up in cubicles, but rather doing something they are passionate about. I’m calling the book, “The New Family”.

Having money is not a qualification for this type of family. It’s less about having, and more about doing. These are proactive families that go out and pursue their passions. And I plan to include case studies on all of them. In the coming months, I’m going to interview these parents on the site and make sure to mix it up. I’ve already included designers and comedians, and I plan to expand the horizon on what it means to be “The New Family”. Entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, politicians, green farmers, etc.

But those are merely the flashy examples. You can be passionate about ANYTHING… your passion could even be as simple as being passionate about family. As long as you are proving to your child that there’s more to this life than just eating, breathing, working, sleep.

I’m here to separate the families with incentive to be unique. The ones that don’t like the idea of being another ant in the colony. Are you that family?

Yes, there are parenting books, there are obedience books, and this book has all that stuff in there.  But that is only part of what I teach.  I have managed to come up with something totally new.  They don’t teach this stuff at school, or in college, or in any graduate school.  You can’t get your doctorate in the art of social skills.  Really, the only place that teaches stuff this in-depth is right here on this website.

I’ve Google’d the crap out of this topic just to make sure I’m not stepping on anybody’s toes.  I’ve found things here and there, and tested their products to see if they can stand up to the teachings I wanted to bring to the table.  They couldn’t.  They talk about manners, being polite, and how to stand up to bullies.  But I go beyond that.  I’m not teaching parents how to keep their kids from being bullied, I’m teaching you how to outwit the bully then make him pine for your attention.  Confident and charismatic kids don’t need to “stick up for themselves,” they have too much self-esteem for that.  Instead, they choose who they want to talk to, and who they allow attention from.  That is what this book is about.

I’m capitalizing on the fact that America’s schooling system doesn’t teach this kind of stuff, and neither does anybody else.  This book is made for the parents and kids that already have a basic grasp on social skills, and want to skyrocket their confidence and conversation skills to insane levels.

I’m naming it “Charismatic Kid – The New Breed of Superhero,” because that is what this book will do to your children, turn them into real-life superheroes.  A hero is someone that people look up to, a person that spreads happiness and inspires confidence to everyone he comes in contact with.  A hero makes others better people just by being around them.  Your four year old will no longer be hiding behind your leg when meeting someone new, instead be walking straight up to that person with five fingers raised high, getting ready to introduce himself.

Before I wrote this book, I wanted to make sure that parents would be able to blast through the book in a few days, because I know how busy the life of a parent can be.  This is the type of book that you can read fifteen times, though you will feel like a changed person after the first time reading it.  I wanted to make sure that it doesn’t read like a text book, because I hate those.  I find it to be the perfect coupling of entertainment and life-changing content, because those are my favorite types of books to read myself.

I want you to have this book so frickin’ bad that I want to give it to your for free.. at least for the next few months.  Why?  Because I want you to read it, love it, and then send it to a friend.  I want the teachings in this book to be read by every parent in America, and I care more about you and your kids’ well-being than how much money is in my piggy bank.

That is why I’m going to make a deal with you.  I want to give you Charismatic Kid for free, as long as you promise me one thing.  After you are finished reading it, if you loved it, to send it to ten friends.  Heck, send it to everyone on your Faybo* feed for all I care.  I want this to engulf the minds of every parent passionate about transforming themselves and their kids into real-life superheroes, and it’s your job to help me.  Can you make me that promise?  I trust you.

The first step is to click here.  That link shoots you off into the CharismaticClub, where you throw in your info real quick and in return get the book sent to your e-mail, along with other privileges along the way (like discounts on future products, seminars; access to the message board, plus my total undying love and attention).

How awesome is this?  You just stumbled upon a website that wants to love you, not bore you.  Have you ever come across a website that loves you?  I don’t think so.

Why should you read this book now?  Because it won’t be free for long; after my first NYC seminar on September 19th, 2010, I will start charging $39.99 for the book.  That’s right, forty big ones.  You spend forty dollars in less than a week, but this book will change your life.  That’s a pretty good deal if I say so myself.  But I’m not even charging you forty dollars, because it is FREE until September 19th!

I feel the dog you choose can help you to become more balanced as a person.

If I get a pitbull, aside from being beautiful, they are strong powerful dogs that are notoriously more aggressive than my original favorite golden retrievers. They need an emotionally strong and powerful person to deal with them. If you are emotionally weak, they will step all over you.

Same goes for the kid you have. If you are emotionally weak, your kid can step all over you. There is something to be said to nature deciding the general character of a person, but for the most part it is nurture. Some kids are naturally wild (like I was) and some are calm. How you decide to deal with their natural character is what is important.

If your kid is wild, and you are by nature calm and hippie-like, you will have to learn how to work with your child’s personality type. The same goes for an opposite situation. An energetic, animated, outgoing parent can end up overpowering their naturally calm child.

Just don’t mistake a child’s personality type for how you are treating him. Spoiled kids are prone to yell, fight, talk back, and rebel. Kids living with too many rules are prone to do the same, or just lay down and surrender.

Well-balanced parenting breeds well-balanced kids.

Somewhere right now, a perfectly happy three-year-old is being tricked.

She is given countless hours of TV time, a Wii, a toy robot that talks to her, and light up shoes; and life is fine. The addiction doesn’t come until those things are taken away from her, they go out of style, or are no longer fun to play with.

Once this happens, a void is created in her soul. She was tricked into believing that those things were her source of happiness, and now she needs them back again in order to feel better.

She sees a commercial for a new toy on TV and thinks that it will fill the void in her chest. Once she gets that toy, she is once again at equilibrium. A few weeks later the toy gets old, and she is back to the incomplete feeling she felt before. It’s an empty feeling of worthlessness—the same way a smoker would feel without his cigarette.

Most families are boring.

They do their same thing every day, every week, and every year. They name their kids the same names everyone else names their kids. They enroll their kids in the activities every other kid is enrolled in, their family outings consist of the same top three places for families to go: Six flags, Disney, and Mt. Rushmore.

They:

• Wear the same clothes
• Make the same foods
• Believe the same theories
• Watch the same movies
• Listen to the same music

This is not to say that this is bad. Most families are perfectly happy living this way, and that’s fine. That’s also not to say that if you are reading this and are realizing how boring your family life is, that you are a bad boring person.

It’s just that this is how everyone has been taught to think that families should be like. We just think, “This is the way it’s been for the past billion years, this is the way it must be.” So we never took a second thought at how we could mold our family to the way WE see fit.

As a family, you have the freedom to do whatever you damn like.

What I am simply trying to do is open your eyes to this. You have your own say at how to run the family, how to raise your kids, how you should live, how to spend your time. Instead of spending tons on Disney World, let them engage in different cultures. Instead of visiting the biggest tourist places when traveling, visit the small local towns where hardly anyone speaks English. Engulf yourself and your family in a different culture.

Not every family will care to do it any differently, most families are perfectly happy doing it “normal.” But to the family that is different, the family that goes off the tracks of the what always has been, theres a fire in your belly that needs to be fulfilled, to transcend the norm. You are “The New Parent,” the new family; because you are pioneering a new order, a new approach to how a family should be.

These families seek out each other; to have their kids mingle with each other, and the parents mingle with other “New Parents,” which makes your reality and worldview stronger. You may have different approaches to how to have a family, but that is the point. We are not trying to make a new “way to fam,” we are trying to tell you that you don’t necessarily have to do it the way everyone else is and how it’s been for years; you can ‘fam’ in any way that you’d like. Every “New Family” has their own way of living, and that is what is similar about them all, that they are all unique in what they do.

But there are distinctive similarities and trends with each “New Family.” They are innovators, they are creative, they are risk takers, and they are appreciative.  They are passionate about something, they move towards their passions, they expose themselves to new things, they love people, and they don’t judge other families on how they fam or what they do. They love life and want to experience what it has to offer.

These are the new families, they are sprouting up everywhere. I’m searching for them, and I’m going to showcase them on CharismaticKid. I will get to know everything about how they do it, so you can get an idea of how a “New Family” goes about doing things, and you can learn from their approach, tweak it a little bit, and make your own way of doing it.

Do you think you are this type of parent, and want to meet other families like your own? Come visit us for FREE in New York City on September 19th, meet the other parents, get the free 220-page book, and learn a ton about how to transform your family from “eh,” to “AH!.” Become “The New Family.”

Attend the free 2-hour Superhero Seminar on September, 19th.  Change your family’s life.

It’s Summer, my favorite time to meet new people.

You can wear shorts and a t-shirt and run around in the park, go hiking on the trails, throw frisbees and build sandcastles on the beach.  This is exactly the time where you and your kids should be getting social and making friends with other families.  Not only for your kids’ benefit, but for yours as well.

Don’t you find it weird that while chilling out on the beach with hundreds of people around you, nobody has the confidence to say one word to each other except for the peeps in their group?  To me, life is about making connections with other people; I would hate to be one of those monks hiding inside a cave all my life.

But we still manage to keep to ourselves in public most of the time. It’s only if we are forced into a social situation or stumble upon a good social opportunity do we actually make the effort to interact with someone else.  I dream of a world where people are making friends with each other while grocery shopping and there is no fear of making that push to meet someone new in our daily lives.

I hope you feel the same way, and I hope that’s why you’re here; because you want to change the way things are socially going in the world.

The thing is, other people are not going to make that effort for you, you have to be the fiery thunderbird that rises above and takes the first step each day to “break the social ice” as I like to call it.  That moment you feel hesitant to say something to the person next to you, that is the exact time you should open your mouth.  Take the social initiative!

When you see that Mom grabbing the obscure “bread and butter” pickle jar at Shoprite, let her know you dig weird pickles too, and then branch into other favorite foods you like.  If you see a family building a sandcastle next to you at the beach, instead of making your own, walk over with your kid and help them build it.

This isn’t a suggestion.  I’m not asking you to do this — I’m TELLING YOU.  Each day I want you to take a new initiative with your kid to meet new people and make connections.  Show your kids how it’s done, and then encourage them to do the same thing.  I like to call it, “throwing them into the lion’s den,” sometimes kids have to be thrown into new situations in order for them to experience and enjoy them.  It’s like getting into a cold pool, you can’t stick your toes in there and gradually make your way into it, sometimes you just have to jump.  That is the kick in the butt that your kids’ sometimes need.

Just like I said in the video, I want you to go onto the Faybo page, (CharismaticKid’s Facebook) and post a comment on the question asked, “How have you been a Superhero and taken the social initiative with your kids so far this Summer?” I’m looking forward to your answers, and I better see some great and unique ways to make friends.

CharismaticClub members, I’m especially looking at you!  It’s your job to set an example; you are deemed superheroes by CharismaticKid, don’t you let me down!

Love,

Anthony

“The New Parent” is a series where I interview parents that embody the idea of what I call “The New Parent.” These parents challenge the status quo and raise confident, superhero-like, charismatic kids by exposing them to their parents’ passions. You can notice these families from a mile away; they are unique and passionate about life. They teach their kids to dive head first into what life has to offer, and are raising the entrepreneurs, the artists, the musicians, the actors, the politicians, the athletes, the travelers, any job that takes charisma, creativity, confidence, and passion.

Aside from making people laugh, Brian Huskey is very much not like the arrogant Dad that he portrays in those Swagger Wagon commercials. He’s a humble family man with a three-year-old daughter.  He taught me so much about how to inspire a creative confidence into kids, and I think he’ll do the same for you.

Download the Brian Huskey (Toyota Sienna Dad) Interview (Right-click and “Save As..”)

Brian: She’s seen me perform, I did a kids’ show one time, and I was dressed like an elf, and just acted ridiculous, and she does understand now, when I say “Daddy has to go to work,” she’s like “Oh, daddy’s gonna go be silly” which I think is great.. That she can sort of equate that yes, you can be paid to go be silly. So sort of a long-winded answer, I think she’s by proxy maybe getting an idea of what I do, and what I’m really into, and she has a great sense of humor. But it’s not anything I’m dictating to her. I definitely don’t want to take her to commercial auditions, because that is a horrible road for a kid to go down.

Anthony: I agree. And I think a big thing is not necessarily pushing your child to do what you do, but more of encouraging your child to be passionate about life in any way, through the same way that you do it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be acting, or comedy, but just getting her to see how much you enjoy doing what you do, and then letting her realize that she can do something that she loves on her own.

Brian: Age three, she’s into just complete invention of worlds, and spontaneous games, and I always participate whole-heartedly because it is like improv, she has the understanding of improv, just like “We’re gonna do this,” “Yes, we’re gonna do this, and we’re gonna do it as much as we can.” So as much as I’m available to that, I’m always like, “Sure, we are both rabbits driving a bus, let’s do this.” Because I know a lot of parents probably are just like playtime, and there’s this time, and I just.. the rewards I get from being with her during during this time that you have this unfiltered creativity, you gotta go for it while it’s there. Because come age 13, she’s gonna resent us, and turn into a teenager.

Anthony: I definitely like that you’re kinda letting her use her spontaneous, creative self, and that’s something else that I really like to teach to parents. Do you have any types of specific games that you play with her, that you think help her bring out that creative side?

Brian: I let her be the leader, and I think that’s been a good thing because I think we’ve just been like, “What do you want to do?” And let her take the lead and she’s starting to do that with her friends more. She’s been like, “Let’s play this game.” She kind of opens the rules and learns about collaborating and sharing. And those are big things in improv, you should say, “Yes, and..” Whatever information or ideas someone offers up, you say, “Yes, and..” then you add something else to it. And I totally see that with her. Now talking, I guess I am sort of bringing some of my own passion because my passion for improv is ten years plus, and I’m still completely into it. And for her it’s naturally. it just gravitates towards her. It’s great. I hope that never gets squashed because I think self-conciousness or someone else saying, “No, you can’t do that,” that’s where.. someone issuing that authority of “No, we can’t do that.” If you don’t have creative confidence or excitement about it, you’re gonna be like “Oh, you’re right, we can’t.” So, hopefully she’ll have enough of that, like “No, this is a much clearer option. Let’s be two rabbits driving a bus.”

Anthony: I think you bring up a good point about.. I find a lot of times people feel obligated, it’s not really parents’ faults or anything, but it’s just kind of a social constraint of keeping with rules when we play games, just because that’s how it’s always been. For instance, if you’re telling a stotry to your kid at night, and they say “Why don’t I tell you the story?” That’s something cool that I think parents should do. It’s something that I teach. Have your child tell you a story before they go to bed.

Brian: Yeah, we totally do that. I’m quite often the baby that she tucks me in, and she’ll leave the room, and I’ll cry, and she’ll say “What’s wrong, baby?” And I’ll say, “Can you give me a kiss?” Or, “I want a story” and she’s really into.. the stories are like, “There was a bear, and he went into the house and ate a sandwich. The end.” To.. now they they really have a long arc to them. And then she’s also starting reading books to us. She’ll take her favorite book that we like to read to her and she’ll look at the pages, and tell us the story. And then, once she started doing that, she started adding stuff. She starts layering the ideas she has on top of what she already knows or what she’s imagining at that moment, which is really great. My wife was really smart that she’s like.. even though she’s learning colors and shapes and stuff.. when we’re playing, even if she says that blue is pink, blue is pink, just let it be, blue is pink. Or, for the games, we just started doing that, and then after a while she started to say, “Oh, you’re right,” And then she would correct like “No, that’s not pink, it’s blue.” And she’s been saying like she has the authority in the game, and she can say whether we’re gonna pretend like this is blue, or no, you misunderstand, this is actually blue. So that’s kind of cool.

Anthony: So who do you think is funnier, you or your daughter? Or your wife?

Brian: Oh God.. My daughter. For sure. I don’t know if she can remember lines, but if you just let her go, pretty great. She should be hocking cars instead of me, I should just sit back, relax. But then I’d turn into one of those “Stage Dads.” It’d be terrible.

Anthony: This doesn’t have to be as deep as it sounds, but already taking into account the unconditional love you and all parents have for their children, how do you think that you do differently with your daughter compared to what you see everyone else doing?

Brian: For us, it’s just very natural. It’s like, “You are so awesome, whatever you wanna do, just do it, and you’re going to.. we’re just gonna be there with that.” And for her, given what I said about her being shy and stuff, I think it’s kinda helped her to just be like, “Yeah, here I am.” Like, we started to notice that she’s sorta started posing out of nowhere, she’ll just walk into the room, and make a little pose, this triumphant thing, and then run out. And that’s pretty great that she has the impulse to come in like, “What’s up world? Here I am!” And then just be out. And I think that just comes from.. if she’s doing something, we’re always kinda blown away by it.. “That’s pretty great.” So if that’s a philosophy, it’s more just an impulsive organic reaction to how much we love her. Try to whittle that down to a sound bite!

Anthony: Well I think what you’re trying to say is, allow her to be who she wants to be.

Brian: Yeah, and I think the other thing is, maybe the other part of that is, allow yourself to be unfiltered with that. I think that’s a big part, I think a lot of parents are like, “Oh, that’s not appropriate right now in the setting to react to you.” But no, I want everybody else to see how much I love you.

Oh, and by the way: http://www.youtube.com/sienna

Love,

Anthony
anthony@charismatickid.com

Taking your place as the new head social coach of the family, it is your responsibility to make sure that everything your child is doing is focused on confident creativity, from the games they play with friends, to the bedtime stories to read at night, all while refraining from the mind-numbing forms of recreation.

When you train your kids to use creativity to have fun, you’ll save oodles of monies on toys that are trying to take the place of your children’s natural capacity to enjoy themselves. Do you think that if you never bought toys for your kids, they would have less fun? Are video games an integral part of a kid’s childhood? On the contrary, there are an infinite number of better things to do than to play with toys.  But before we go on, I want to be clear about something: All toys are NOT created equal. While the ones I’ve been talking about are meant purely for entertainment purposes, there is another breed of toy that is beneficial to your kid’s social health, and contributes to the enhancement of its creativity. These toys are made to embellish your child’s already imaginative propensity for creating, instead of being used as a replacement for it, and hindering it in the process.

Doing Instead Of Getting

Instead of concentrating on what toy to get your kid for his birthday, concentrate on what activity you think would excite him the most. Toys are a quick and dirty way to a fleeting happiness. Life is most rewarding when you are making something new by means of an activity instead of just being the spectator to one. The “toy” should be something that enables him to pursue a passion. If the activity is learning to rock climb, get him a harness with some climbing shoes. If you want him to become a songwriter, get him a guitar and two months worth of lessons. How about an actor or director? Get different costumes for him to wear along with a video camera.

Now, tell me that a DSi trumps acting lessons.

But without a goal, there is no purpose. The excitement of a new activity fizzles out from a lack of ambition to progress; there always must be something to work towards. Write down a clearly defined goal for each activity your kid partakes in. Put them up on a poster board in the common area of the house, and check them off as they are completed.

If it’s to become a musician, then he must write an entire song; words, chords, and melody. If an actor, then the goal should be to record a movie for the whole family to watch. Include a deadline for each goal to prevent laziness and procrastination. Sometimes it is better to set an incredibly short deadline than to spend too long trying to make something perfect; it keeps things moving and forces your kid to stay on his toes. The great thing about setting deadlines and goals is that your child won’t jump from hobby to hobby, sucking the life out of each activity as if it were a toy to be “played with” rather than something to breathe life into.

But be aware, the passion for mastering something lies in the process, not the completion. Treat each success as a secondary prize to the main purpose, which is enjoying the “doing” rather than “getting.”

Have you recently gotten a great toy for your kid that helps him/her pursue a passion?  Tell me below in the comments.

I have a TON of super fun activities and games you can do with your kids to help their creativity and conversation skills.  For every comment left here, I will post the activities and games in upcoming posts.  So get crackin’!